


Don't be afraid of the big bad eldritch horror

by rapono



Category: HLVRAI - Fandom, Half Life VR But The AI Is Self Aware
Genre: Angst, Body Horror, But nothing bad actually happens, Eldritch Benrey, Fluff, Gen, Gordon assumes the worst, Hurt/Comfort, Monster Benrey, Not a game, Panic Attack, Transformation, but it's just past hurt and mostly comfort, presumed kidnapping, that's trauma baby!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-21
Updated: 2021-02-21
Packaged: 2021-03-18 09:20:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,979
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29607264
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rapono/pseuds/rapono
Summary: Joshua knew about stranger danger. He knew not to trust people he didn't know. But this guy wasn't a person, so that meant he could trust him, especially since he knew his dad.
Relationships: Benrey & Gordon Freeman, Benrey & Joshua Freeman
Comments: 8
Kudos: 55





	Don't be afraid of the big bad eldritch horror

**Author's Note:**

> I really love the headcanon of Benrey being good with kids that the fandom seemed to agree upon, but I haven't seen enough fics that focus on Benrey and Joshua interacting so I'm writing this one shot to help fix that.
> 
> I don't have an exact age in mind for Joshua, so maybe somewhere around 10 years old? I'm not used to writing young kid characters so sorry if it seems off.
> 
> Also in case you missed it in the tags, there is a scene where one of the characters has a panic attack, so here's your trigger warning.
> 
> Addendum: I had originally started writing this in September and got most of it done by November/December, but got stuck on finishing a couple scenes and uh, whoops. Apologies if a few scenes seem slightly disconnected thanks to this.

Joshua was a smart kid. He knew how to read and write, how to add and subtract, to say his pleases and thank you's. Joshua knew about stranger danger. He knew not to trust people he didn't know. 

So when a strange man approached him on his way home, he was immediately wary of him. He wore a helmet and a vest, and was kinda big. The guy claimed he was a friend of his dad’s, and that he needed to see his passport.

“Sorry, my dad told me not to trust people I don’t know.”

The man shrugged. “I’m not a person.”

Joshua could see his teeth. Those weren’t people teeth, they were too sharp, and there was too many. The man couldn't be a person. He was a monster.

“Oh I guess it doesn’t count then. I don’t have my passport, my dad keeps that in his underwear drawer at home.”

“guess I’ll have to escort you home then. lead the way little man.”

The monster offered Joshua his hand to hold, and he stared at it for a moment. He considered all the stories he’d read and been told, of monsters deceiving and eating people. That he should be afraid, running away and screaming. 

Yet despite this, Joshua didn’t feel scared. He didn’t feel threatened, or in danger. So instead of doing what he’d been told to do in these situations, Joshua smiled up at the monster and took his hand. It was a little colder than a hand should be, but it felt like a human's. 

He turned to wave goodbye to his classmates, his teacher running inside as he did so, looking very worried. Joshua was confused. Maybe she forgot something? At least she saw him say goodbye. 

Joshua quickly forgot about it as he started to head home, pulling the monster along with him. 

“What’s your name mister monster?”

The monster chuckled at his question.

“already know I’m not human? nice. you've got a way bigger brain than your dad. look out gamers, we got a galaxy brain here.”

Joshua found himself giggling now. The monster talked funny, he liked it.

“it's benrey.”

“Benrey is a cool name, I’ve never heard it before. I’m Joshua!”

“you got a pretty poggers name yourself. I had a friend named josh.”

“Oh cool!”

Benrey smiled down at him, a fondness clear in the monster's eyes, before he looked away, seemingly in thought.

“so uh, what do you like joshie? you like heavenly sword? video games?”

“Cowboys!” Joshua's eyes lit up as he said it, hoping his new monster friend liked them too.

“cowboys huh?”

Benrey stopped in his tracks, letting go of Joshua’s hand, before he started to change. Joshua watched in fascination as his monster friend stopped looking human, moving his body around like weird playdough, before he suddenly looked like a cow. A cow standing like a human, with weird hoof hands.

Benrey smacked his lips. “I'm a cowboy now.”

Joshua laughed. Benrey had thought he meant a like a real cow, what a silly monster. He must not know what a cowboy is.

“No silly, that’s not a cowboy! They’re people that ride horses and take care of cattle, they aren’t actual cows!” Joshua pointed on the designs on his backpack, his now cow shaped friend cocking his head and squinting at them. 

“pssssh, I knew that. was just joking with ya kiddo. epic prank.”

Benrey started to look like playdough once more before he was suddenly human looking again. Joshua stared up at him with a sense of wonder, amazed at what he had just done. Sure, it maybe was a little scary, but it was also really really cool.

“Was that one of your cool monster powers?”

Benrey smacked his lips, “yep,” and popped the p as he said it. He paused for a moment, before giving Joshua a mildly confused look.

“huh, most people run away or scream when I do that.”

“Why? I think it’s pretty cool.”

Benrey grinned, the smile reaching his seemingly always deadpanned eyes, as he extended his hand back to Joshua. “you're a pretty epic kid josh. way more poggers than your dad.”

Joshua giggled and took the offer, his hand once more engulfed in the gentle grasp of the monster’s. He didn’t know what poggers meant, but he liked this monster. Benrey was a good guy.

So hand in hand, Joshua continued to lead them home, a smile on both of their faces.  
  
  


* * *

  
  
  
Gordon had enjoyed his little outing with the Science team, despite the light headache it always left him with. They were chaotic, competing with Joshua for being the most troublesome, but just like his son, he cared for them deeply anyways. Hearing about Dr Coomer and Bubby's lastest scientific endeavours had been fascinating to say in the least. 

Still, he was a little worn out, and likely late for picking Joshua up from school. His kid knew the way home, but he still preferred to pick him up than have his kid walk home by his lonesome.

Approaching his car, he patted his pockets to find them lacking in his cellular device. Damn, he must've left his phone in the car. Hopefully the teacher hadn't called him yet, wondering where the hell he was.

He unlocked his car to find it right there, below his finicky stereo system. He was lucky no one had broken into his car to steal it, it wasn't really hidden at all.

Letting out a sigh of relief, he picked it up, clicking on the power button to find a concerning notification on the lock screen.

14 missed calls? That couldn’t be good.

Still standing just outside his car, driver's side door open, Gordon unlocked his phone, taking a closer look at his call history. Yep, that was 14 of them, and they all seemed to be coming from the school. Unease began to writhe in his gut. He knew that they’d likely called him since he was late, but this many calls was more than concerning. They’d left a couple of voicemails too.

Taking in a deep breath in an effort to calm his nerves, he decided to listen to them before he called the school back. So with only a moment of hesitation, Gordon began to play them.

“Hello Gordon Freeman, this is your son’s teacher, Ms. Kitsu calling. A man we didn’t recognize picked up Joshua today, and your son went with him willingly. We are not sure if this is someone you know, so we are hoping you can confirm their identity.”

_Oh no._

Gordon’s blood ran cold as he heard the description. Helmet, Kevlar vest, blue shirt. The rest became background noise as the realization hit him.

Benrey was back, and he had taken his son.

Gordon almost fell to his knees as a panic attack threatened to seize him. He felt bile rise in the back of his throat, his stomach threatening to heave up the somewhat pricy lunch he had just eaten.

Benrey had his son.

Gordon let out a wail as tears began to spill out of his eyes. His body trembled with the sudden hit of emotions, as both fear and sorrow gripped his body. Ears pounding, he found himself suddenly dizzy and disoriented, his chest feeling tight, breathing becoming erratic.

No, he couldn’t fall into despair now. He’d dealt with Benrey once before, and he’d do it again. And this time, he'd have his passport on him.

Because hell hath no fury like this father scorned.

So with no time to lose, Gordon scrambled into his car, quickly putting his seatbelt on and keys in ignition, and sped out of the parking lot, racing home. Traffic laws and speeding limits be damned, he had to save his son.  
  
  


* * *

  
  
  
Gordon managed to make it home without any crashes or cops along the way, but he wouldn't be surprised if he’d find a ticket for a red light in his mail soon. 

Didn’t matter, he’d made it home.

He quickly unbuckled himself and jumped out his car, slamming the door closed behind him as he dug around in his pocket for his keys. Hands shaky with adrenaline, the fumbled with the key ring a little bit, before finally grasping the right one and shoving it into the keyhole.

The door unlocked with ease, Gordon quickly rushing inside.

He was home. Now he just needed to get his passport, and he’d be off to hunt down Benrey.

Gordon paused. Something was off, the house wasn’t quiet.

Gordon grabbed the bat from the nearby closet, as he cautiously made his way into his home. It sounded like voices.

As he headed towards the upstairs, relief began to flood his system as he recognized the voice. 

It was Joshua. He was home, likely in his room. Benrey didn’t kidnap him.

Gordon let out a sigh of relief, grip slackening on his bat as he continued to head towards his kid's room. He needed to ask Joshua about who he saw, and what they did. But at least for now, he was safe. 

It was then that heard a second voice, and his grip on the bat tightened. There was no mistaking it, he’d survived the hell that monster had wrought, so he could recognize his voice in an instant.

Benrey was here, and he was with his son. 

He was going to crack the bastard's head open.

So cautiously and with murderous intent, Gordon made his way to Joshua’s room. He needed to get the jump on Benrey, before he could slip away, ~~or before he'd get the jump on Gordon.~~

He glanced behind him. There was nobody there.

It wasn’t long before he was standing before Joshua’s door, the intermingled sounds of Joshua's and Benrey’s voices coming from behind it. This was it, behind that door was the monster in man's clothing, and his son.

He wouldn’t let Benrey hurt him.

So taking in a deep breath, Gordon slammed the door open, bat at the ready.

“Benrey!”

The sight before him was oddly domestic. Joshua was sitting on his bed, Benrey standing next to him, holding one of Joshua’s many cowboys toys, which it seemed like Josh had been in the middle of showing off to him, before Gordon had burst in.

Both were now looking at him in stunned silence, surprised by his sudden appearance.

Gordon stood in the doorway, still ready in case Benrey decided to attack him.

“Get the fuck away from my son.”

“huh?” 

Benrey cocked his head to the side much like a dog would, clearly confused. His son however, seemed slightly worried.

“Dad what’s wrong?”

“Joshua get away from him! He’s not a human, he’s a monster!”

Joshua seemed surprised by the outburst, but appeared to not share the same concern his father had, no fear in his face.

“I know dad.”

Gordon's stance wavered, completely caught off guard by his kids response.

“…What?”

Benrey shrugged in response.

“yeah your galaxy brain kid here figured it out right away. he's so much smarter than you bro, you should give him your degree.”

“I-”

Gordon found himself at a loss for words, his brain struggling to process what he’s just been told. The bat fell to his side, hand still holding it.

Joshua knew Benrey wasn't human, that he was a monster, and his kid was just okay with that? Why, why wasn't his son cowering in fear, running scared to his dad? Why wasn't Joshua afraid of Benrey?

“Joshua please get away from him, he’s dangerous, he kidnapped you!”

Now both his son and the monster shared an expression, one of confusion.

“He didn't kidnap me dad, he just walked me home.”

“yeah bro, I didn’t snatch your son, just did one of those uh, you know, escort missions. you do remember that I’m a security guard, right feetman?”

He didn’t know how to respond, he didn’t know what to say. The horrifying eldritch monstrosity that he’d managed to kill had decided not to reenact vengeance on him, but instead walk his son home from school? He felt like he was dreaming, that there was no way Benrey had simply forgotten about what Gordon had did. He hadn't even asked him for his pa-

“don’t worry about the passport bro. your epic baby gamer already showed it to me. nice boxers by the way, the minecraft creeper ones are pretty pog.”

Gordon blushed in embarrassment, his brain frying from the extra topping of emotions. He felt like an egg in the microwave, about to explode into big gooey mess.

“But, but I-”

“it's all in the past bro. I’m done being bad.” Benrey shrugged, and handed Joshua back his toy.

Gordon was in shock, unable to find a response either vocally or physically. Benrey had broken into his hou- no, Benrey had convinced Joshua to let him in their house, and was now playing with his kid, as if Benrey hadn’t just tried to kill him last time they met, or that Gordon had ended that last meeting by killing him.

So he stood there in stunned silence, finding himself unable to make a move, or make another protest. Instead, he watched the two interact, as his brain attempted to reboot itself.

“Benny! You should show dad your funny cowboy trick!”

“yo good idea little feetman. watch this gordos.”

Benrey took a step away from his son, before his body began to shift and contort, skin tearing and regrowing, bones snapping and rebuilding. The sound was repulsive, the visuals even more so, but unlike him, Joshua didn’t recoil and flinch.

And then, suddenly a humanoid cow was standing before him, complete with a cowboy hat. A real “cow-boy”.

The cowbo- Benrey tipped his hat at Gordon, a grin on his uncanny face.

“howdy.”

Joshua burst into a fit of giggles.

Gordon didn’t understand. Benrey was twisting and reshaping his body in horrific ways, and Joshua didn’t seem phased in the slightest. No, his kid was excited and overjoyed by the graphic display of body horror, of how the guard could reform his body into anything. His son wasn't scared of Benrey, and Gordon wasn't sure if that was a good or bad thing.

Gordon wouldn't admit it, but he almost found himself wishing he was as fearless as his son was.

“Look dad, Benny thought a cowboy was a cow person!” Joshua was still giggling as he spoke, clearly thinking that Benrey’s misinterpretation was hilarious.

As much as Gordon wanted to laugh, and even though he could find the humor in it, a pit of fear and anxiety still lay heavy in his gut. So Instead, he gave the pair an awkward smile along very a nervous chuckle, doing he best to stay calm and collected. He didn’t want either of them to know he was on the brink of a panic attack.

He gripped the bat a little tighter.

Benrey cocked his bovine head to the side, perhaps confused. Gordon didn’t really know how to read the expressions on a cow's face. He didn’t know what Benrey could possibly be thinking.

“i think your dad's feeling pretty unpog. doesn't look like he thought my epic gamer move was cool.”

“Awww, well I thought it was really cool.”

“thanks little gamer bro.”

And with the sounds of bones breaking and flesh reknitting itself, Benrey shifted back into his normal security guard self, outfit and all. He cracked his neck, stretching a little, seemingly testing that his body was hope he liked it.

Gordon shivered as the familiar gaze rested back onto him.

The gaze was quickly shifted however, as Joshua seemed determined to have the monster's attention. He tugged on his leg, an action Gordon recognized, as Benrey looked down on his son.

“Up?”

Benrey cocked his head at the request, confused by it. Joshua didn’t explain, simply raising his up towards the monster’s head, hands making a grabby motion.

For a moment, the abomination watched him silently, trying to process what the kid wanted, before it suddenly seemed to click.

“oh. yeah sure little feetman.”

Giggling with eagerness, Joshua kept his arm raise to make it easier for Benrey to pick him up, who didn’t seemed strained in the slightest as he easily plucked the fifth grader off the ground. Joshua kicked his little legs in the air playfully, amused and awed by how easily Benrey held him.

Yet despite knowing what was going to happen, Gordon still himself grimacing slightly at the sight of Joshua in Benrey’s arms. His paternal instinct screamed at him to snatch his baby out of the monster’s arm, to yell, to do anything. And yet, Gordon did nothing, watching as his son delighted in the man that had nearly killed his father. He couldn’t bring himself to ruin Joshua's joy. He couldn’t make his body to move.

If anything, a vein of envy started to crawl through his body.

As Gordon remained in his trance-like state, Benrey shifted his grip on Freeman's kid, seating him in one of his arms. Joshua wrapped an arm around the monster’s neck, poking at his sharp teeth with his other hand, clearly fascinated by Benrey’s inhuman choppers. The security guard didn’t seem to mind the kid prodding curiously at his face, instead shifting his attention to the petrified father in the doorway, who still held a baseball bat by his side.

So with Joshua held in one arm with relative ease, Benrey held out his free arm, motioning slightly towards Gordon, who at first was confused. The physicist wasn’t sure what Benrey wanted, until the guard spoke.

“hug?”

Gordon loved hugs. He loved physical affection, closeness, and just being able to touch others. He wanted to drop the bat and accept Benrey’s hug, but he wouldn’t lie, he was scared of him. 

And Benrey seemed to notice this.

“bro I promise I won’t bite. I’m not gonna hurt ya feetman. no need to use wide angle on me.”

“Daddy come hug with us please!” Joshua seemed oblivious to why his dad was hesitating, but it was his son's encouragement that broke him.

He dropped the bat and cautiously approached the guard.

Benrey was bigger than he was last time he'd seen him. Well, last time before Xen. He wasn’t sure if it was because he was no longer wearing the HEV suit, which had made Gordon a little taller and bulkier than he actually was, or if Benrey had decided to be bigger on purpose. Regardless of the answer, Gordon felt so much smaller than him now.

He paused just before he was within arm’s reach, hesitating, second guessing himself. What if he was walking into the lion's mouth, with his son as the bait? What if the moment he was within range, Benrey shoved his hand right through his chest, or bit his head right off, or-

His train of thought was interrupted by the singing of a single note, and sweet blue raspberry orbs splashing across his face.

“calm down.”

As much as Gordon wanted to panic and flee at the sudden use of sweet voice, the sugary substance had already taken effect, drowning out the fear with an unnatural sense of calm. He couldn’t find the will to move, to get away from Benrey, his legs refusing to function as he stood there, waiting for the inevitable. 

Benrey closed the rest of the distance between them, and pulled Gordon into a hug.

It was warm, comforting, despite the Kevlar vest Benrey was wearing. Still, despite the dosage of sweet blue raspberry he’d taken, he found himself bracing for the betrayal, whether that be something through his chest, or the crushing of his ribcage.

Neither came.

Instead, Benrey shifted his hold on Joshua, allowing his kid to wrap his arms around Gordon, while still being held. Josh's much smaller arms wrapped around him as best they could, as Benrey's free arm still managed to engulf him in the embrace, smothering him against the guard's bulletproof vest.

“see what happens when you have your passport?”

Gordon winced at the remark, a feeling of nausea bubbling up in his gut. Fuck, was all that trauma really because he didn’t have a passport? What would Benrey have done to Joshua if he didn’t have one? Would he have-

“why are you shaking feetman?”

“Maybe dad is cold! We should try to warm him up.”

“good idea little gamer bro. grab some blankets, I'll keep gordon coldman warm.”

Joshua let go of of him, as Benrey lowered his son and let his kid go. Gordon found himself almost reaching out for Josh, his hand twitching in a subdued and silent plea to not be left alone with the monster. But alas, Joshua was on a mission, unaware of the pleading look his father tried to give him.

“don't worry gordos, I got just the thing to keep you nice and toasty like mountian dew mac n cheese.”

Gordon found himself momentarily distracted by the thought of the atrocity that mountain dew mac n cheese had to be, before he noticed the sounds of something organic shifting inside of Benrey. He didn't see anything, didn't feel anything change, yet sudden realization that something had changed without him knowing left him with a strong sense of terror. As panic threatened to overload his senses, he felt it. 

Benrey was suddenly incredibly warm, akin to a space heater, but not too warm as to be uncomfortable or burn. He was that toasty kind of warmth, the kind that lulled you towards it, like a fireplace on a cold winter's night, and put you right to sleep. 

Benrey wrapped his now Joshua-less arm around Gordon, and with both arms now snugly holding him, he found himself being pressed tightly against the guard's chest. A squeak-like noise escaped his throat, and for a moment, he squirmed slightly. Gordon almost protested, almost tried to shove him away, but such urges quickly melted in the heat.

He didn’t want to admit it, but Gordon was incredibly comfortable in Benrey’s embrace.

“oh sweet, shivers all gone bro. gordon heatman quest successful. earned myself some epic gamer points.”

Gordon hadn't even noticed he'd stopped shivering, his anxiety slowly disappearing as the warmth soaked in and replaced it. It was nice.

With his guard now down and tension melting, Gordon stayed within the eldritch security guard's embrace, as the pitter patter of small feet grew closer behind him.

“Benny I got all the blankets!”

“nice. sweet haul little gamer bro, let’s armour up gordon heatman.”

Gordon didn’t struggle or protest as the immortal entity disguised in human skin and his son proceeded to wrap him up in blankets. He didn’t have the energy, and nor did he want to resist. Instead, he found himself fighting back tears. 

_Why did Benrey care about him, after all that Gordon had said and done to him? How had he so easily bonded with his son? Why was Gordon worthy of love and forgiveness?_

A large pair and small pair of arms wrapped around the Gordon-flavoured blanket burrito, like a wrapper of comfort and warmth.

“…I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay dad, I should've told you uncle Benny was coming over.”

“it's cool bro, all big poggers now. don't worry, sans undertale forgives you too.”

Gordon did his best to hold in a chuckle.  
  
  


* * *

  
  
  
“At the tone, you may leave a message, or press pound for more options.”

_Beep._

“Hey, it’s Mr. Freeman, I’m calling to apologize for the scare earlier. A friend of mine decided to pick up my son without telling me beforehand. Yes, he was the man in the security getup. Joshua is safe and sound. Thank you for calling me though.”

Gordon hung up and sighed. Benrey was going to be the death of him.

**Author's Note:**

> Okay so I did get derailed by Gordon trauma moments in this supposedly Benrey & Joshua focused fic (because everytime I tell myself I'll just add a couple shots of angst into a fic for flavour I end up adding a whole bottle), but I hope you enjoyed this one shot. It somehow got way bigger than I intended it to, and thusly took me much longer to finish it. 
> 
> Also have some fun facts about cut content:  
> \- The original title of this was "My guardian nightmare", but I decided to change it to the current one as I ended up diverting from the original concept and felt like it no longer fit  
> \- Originally Benrey was going to protect Joshua from someone, the story more focused around him following Joshua around like a guard dog without Gordon's knowledge, the fic ending with that discovery  
> \- There was going to be a scene or two where Benrey changed into a horrific-looking horse monster and let Joshua ride him around, but I sadly decided to shelve it as it disrupted the flow of the fic, and I wanted to prioritize the cowboy transformation over it
> 
> If you wanna write something based on this, go ahead! I don't plan on continuing this myself, as I struggle to update what multi-chapter fanfics I'm working on already.
> 
> * * *
> 
> Feel free to bother me at [rapono-writes-things](https://rapono-writes-stuff.tumblr.com) on Tumblr. I post updates about progress and related things on there.


End file.
